Thanksgiving 2011

Today marks 14 months since I last saw your beautiful face.  Hard to believe I have made it.  Today is Thanksgiving and I do have a lot to be thankful for.  I thank God every day that he picked me to be your mom.   Out of the millions and millions of people, he chose me.  I feel very lucky.   I only had you for 24 years, 1 month and 16 days but I cherish each and every one of them.  Of course I wish there had been so many more, but that was not God’s plan.

 Life goes and so do other people, unless they have lost their child.  There are no words to explain the pain and the loss of not seeing you again.  People are sad that you are not here anymore but it will never affect them the way it does Dad and me.  We are thankful that they can’t understand, but then we want them to, so that they could understand that we are NOT “ok”. Every day we get up and put this mask on that makes people think that all is well.  If they could only see what was behind that mask.  We know that we can’t let our grief control us, but it is hard.  The thought of never seeing you again on this earth is just way too much to comprehend.  God has his purpose and I guess we will just have to wait to see what it is.

I do have to remember the others things I am thankful for because they do matter as well.  I am thankful for your dad.  Without him here for me, I don’t know where I would be.  He holds me up when I don’t think I can go any farther. He gives me the strength to go on.  I am also thankful for Autumn and Raegan.  They are the other piece of the puzzle that helps me go on every day. Autumn is always there when I need her and keeps me going.  I wish you were here to see Raegan.  You would be so proud of her.  She is an awesome little girl.  She will always know her Uncle Davey; probably will know more about you than she would have, if you were still here. She knows who you are when she sees your pictures and when Autumn asks her where Uncle Davey is, her response is “home”.  She is so right.

Well, Dave.  Here are your decorations this year.  A bit better than last year, I might say.  We are learning…unfortunately.  Who would have thought..

I love you beyond words and can’t wait until we are all a family again.  Love Mom