4 Years Without You

Hard to believe that it has been 4 years since I said good bye to you as we left for work.  So much has happened, even since last year that I don't know where to start. Life is not the same and it never will be, therefore we look at the world through different eyes.  Eyes that will never see the same, eyes that show pain, eyes that cry and eyes that even smile.  I remember the first time I laughed since you left. It was over a video of a dog of all things!  When I laughed I felt so guilty.  How could I laugh when you are not here?  It took me along time to realize that it is okay to laugh and have fun but at times I still feel guilty.  I look into crowds....looking for you.  From what I hear and read it is normal.  The hardest place is Disneyland. The Happiest Place on Earth right??  All around me are young men your age with their wives and babies.  I picture what you would have been like as a daddy and my heart breaks just knowing that I never will get to know.  I DO know you would have been an awesome daddy but also a paranoid one too!!  That's okay though because you would have learned from me and you and Autumn survived.  We all know that we can never be to careful because we don't know what tomorrow will bring.

So many people send me pictures of things that remind them of you. Mostly Batman signs and I love them all.  From Batman to 8's to 86's to 88 and all those hearts, I see them all too.  They all make me smile knowing that they are from you.  Ashley says she feels and see's you at times.  Her and Shawn are the only ones that have told me that but it doesn't surprise me one bit.  Of all your friends, those two would be the ones that I think you would mess with the most.  They are keeping your memory alive with Mia by telling her stories about you.  They tell me that she talks about you all the time and Ashley's sister Jennifer even tells Mia stories about you.  Warms my heart

Each and every day I thank God for the 24 years, 1 month and 16 days that he let me have you.  If he had told me that was all I would have and gave me a choice, I would have still chosen you.  I hold on to the precious memories that we have but long for more.  One day we will be together again and we can continue where we left off.  I love you Davey and miss you beyond words.
Love Mom