The day begins.....

Dear Davey,

The day begins again without you.
Each day comes and goes and I am look for you, search for you.
But you are no where in site.
I know you are in my heart and around me but yet I can't see you, can't touch you, can't hear your voice.
This must be a dream , maybe the day has not begun and I am still asleep and having this horrible night mare.
But then once again night falls , and another day comes without you here to share my day with, to hear how your day was.
How can this be, how can it be that I am left to live a life without you in it?
You had a heart of gold, a very caring person not to mention a very smart young man.
I go through the motions of each day not knowing what to do from one minute to another.
The time passes, the day ends , night falls, another night of hoping you come to me in my dream, are maybe to awaken and this is just a night mare.
But yet another day will begin without you .
My only solace is one day we will meet again when God calls me home .
Until then the days will come and go and I will continue to search for you even if it's just a sign from above that you still here with me , you will always be in my heart and a part of my heart has died when you went home to be God.

Even Bruce looks for you. 

 Today is my birthday.  My only wish would be to hold you one more time and tell you how much I miss you and love you.  I know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus and that gives me comfort.  Run free my angel and know that you are missed beyond words.

Love Mom

Easter 2012

Happy Easter Davey, 
We decorated again this year.  I know you probably see us and think how silly we are but it helps.  I feel like I am at least doing something for you.  I feel bad because the last few years I didn't fill eggs for you.  You never said anything but I am sure you missed finding all those eggs!!!  I can see you finding eggs even if you were 20 something!!!  This year they even had eggs that looked like base balls.

Some of your friends came after we took the decorations down and they did some decorating themselves.  I think you probably liked theirs better!!

Please watch over us all daily.  We like signs remember!!

Love as always...Mom

She turned 2 without you

She turned 2 without you but she sure knows who you are.  You would be so proud of the little girl she has become.  She is beautiful, smart, funny and has your temper at times!!!  Ask anyone who knew you as a little boy and they will tell you that she looks just like you did when you were her age. She even has your cowlick...thanks Dave.   Show her a picture of you and ask her who it is and she will say "Uncle Davey".

I wish you were here to see her grow up, but I know that you are watching over her everyday.  Not everyone can say that have a guardian angel watching over them like she can. When she is older, she will know more about you than she probably ever thought was possible!!!  And maybe even somethings that she might not want to know...your booty shake!!!

 Keep her safe Davey and watch over her when we can't.

Love Mom

Raegan's birthday candle

Yes, we got your candle for Raegan's birthday!!  Thank you

Here is the story: Raegan's 2nd birthday was February 11th.  We were looking forward to having the party, but not looking forward to missing Davey there.  Autumn and Raegan had been over to my house the night before and I had a candle lit.  It had 3 wicks.  When they left I blew out the candle and went to bed.  I was up at least 3 times in the middle of the night and walked past the candle and it was not lit. David came home late in the night and heated up food in the microwave where the candle was and it was not lit.  When I got up the next morning....Raegan's birthday..one wick was lit (see above).  That wick had not been lit all night or the candle would have been burned farther down.  Davey's sign for Raegan wishing her a

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM UNCLE DAVEY"

Would you rather?

 “Would you rather” is a game that you play to see how daring people can be.  Would you rather eat this or that?  Would you rather wear this or that? Would you rather go here or there?

Well, our everyday life isn’t a game.  If we asked the question, would you rather have Davey with us on Earth or in Heaven?  We may all jump at the chance to have him here with us, again.  Why wouldn’t we want him here? For one more laugh, one more hug, one more smile. 

However, I think about how thankful I am to have him in Heaven.  I am thankful that he is safe.  I am thankful he is there with God.  I am thankful he is there watching over and protecting us.  I am thankful for the signs he gives and the jokes he plays on us.    I am thankful to know I am never alone. 

And as he is looking down at us, I hope he would be proud of where we are in our lives.  Proud for the changes we have made and the people we have become.  It is true that you become a different person when you lose someone so special. 

 And so, in the end, the question of “Would you rather?” should best be left to topics like what to eat or wear.  Because in our everyday life, it is not always that easy to answer.

Valentines Day 2012

HEARTS, HEARTS, EVERYWHERE THERE ARE HEARTS

Dear Davey,

There are hearts everywhere now that I look.  I honestly believe they are from you. Who else could they be from?  They are so obvious, to me at least.  The first one I saw, I just thought "weird" and walked away.  Later it happened again and it made me think, so I took a picture.  Then they kept coming...at times when I needed them and then a lot of other times.  The heart above was taken by Dad's cousins wife.  I was on Facebook Christmas Day, missing you of course. This heart was staring me in the face when I opened my page.  Here are the others.  I know you know what they look like, but others don't so I want to post them so everyone can see.



One morning when I was driving your car

Carpet at home-not even wet

At work on my way to lunch



Bathroom rug




A piece of carpet

 

   


Dog pee???? Really Davey!!!



I LOVE THEM ALL...KEEP THEM COMING.

Now here is one for you.  Happy Valentines Day Davey. I Love You.



Mom

Uncle Steve

Hi Davey,
On January 26, 2012 Uncle Steve left this earth to begin his eternal life in Heaven.  Steve was an awesome Dad, son, brother in law and uncle.  He will really be missed here on earth but I am sure that you have already met up with him and are having a great time.  I can just hear him when he saw you....."hey Davey"..the way he always greeted you.  Do they let him make his salsa in heaven?  We sure miss it here and we miss him too.  Why?  Why Steve?  Why you?  I guess that we won't know until we get to heaven ourselves.The picture above was on your 3rd birthday.  Weird that Steve was the only one that took a picture with you that day.  I guess it was so I could post it here but who would have known way back then.  I miss you more and more everyday and wish you were here.  I know that you are safe in God's hands and are happy there.  We are the ones that are suffering.

Until we meet again, my beautiful son,  I love you
Mom

New Years 2012

Hey Davey,

Happy New Year!!!  I am sure the celebration in Heaven is awesome.  I wanted you to see what party people us Chavez's are!!! 

Fun and simple.  We celebrated together....because of you.  I love you and miss you. Mom

Merry Christmas Davey

Merry Christmas Davey,

This Christmas was harder than last Christmas without you.  Everything is harder these days.  Christmas Eve of course we were with the family at Alicia’s house.  Something was missing…you. Even though we hadn’t been there with the family in a while, it was sad not to have you there.  Here is a picture of all your cousins together plus Autumn and Raegan.  If you look really close, you will see Batman in the picture-left side of the picture on the tree. Was that you?  I want to think that you made that happen.

Christmas Day the family met at Forest Lawn for Papa.  We all had not been there together since the day of his funeral. It was very beautiful there and the weather was nice too. 

After we left there we came back to our house to open presents.  Raegan doesn’t yet have the hang of it, but she will.  I am sure by her birthday she will realize what presents are all about.  Of course she scored big time everywhere she went.  It wasn’t the same not having the living room FULL of presents.  Shopping was a chore for me. Everywhere I went I would see something that reminded me of you and then I would need to go home.  Shopping just isn’t the same. Thank goodness for the internet!!! 

Cooking already



Eggs and ranch for breakfast!

 

Her first bike



 I am sure that Christmas in Heaven is awesome and nothing compared to here on Earth.  I miss you Davey so much but I know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus and if you can’t be here with me, then there is no place that I would rather have you be.

Love Mom

Christmas decorating 2011

Here we ALL are again this year decorating your tree.  We have a lot more stuff this year too.  As you can see by the pictures, it was a bit colder than last year.  Last year we were in shorts and Raegan was in just a diaper…it was a lot colder this year.  Everyone rally’s’ together to get it all done and it is nice to see the family there.   Of course I believe you made an appearance too. The big tall bird that always seems to show up????  DAVEY????  I like to think sooo.

I hope you can see the lights from Heaven!!

Shiloh

Together at last?  You always reminded us that it was “you” that found her and that she belonged with you.  Now you are together. She fought a short battle and Autumn made sure that she did it with pride and without pain.  She saw that she was suffering and knew when it was time to set her free.  Knowing that you were there to meet her at the Gates made it so much easier.  She released her from her pain but right into your arms.  Love her and make sure that she knows how much we all loved her.  Remember that she likes to be kissed on the side of her nose…she will “purr” for you. Love her for us until we are altogether again.  Mom



Shiloh Marie
2004-2011



HE IS GONE?

HE IS GONE?

You can shed tears that he is gone

Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Written by David Harkins

Thanksgiving 2011

Today marks 14 months since I last saw your beautiful face.  Hard to believe I have made it.  Today is Thanksgiving and I do have a lot to be thankful for.  I thank God every day that he picked me to be your mom.   Out of the millions and millions of people, he chose me.  I feel very lucky.   I only had you for 24 years, 1 month and 16 days but I cherish each and every one of them.  Of course I wish there had been so many more, but that was not God’s plan.

 Life goes and so do other people, unless they have lost their child.  There are no words to explain the pain and the loss of not seeing you again.  People are sad that you are not here anymore but it will never affect them the way it does Dad and me.  We are thankful that they can’t understand, but then we want them to, so that they could understand that we are NOT “ok”. Every day we get up and put this mask on that makes people think that all is well.  If they could only see what was behind that mask.  We know that we can’t let our grief control us, but it is hard.  The thought of never seeing you again on this earth is just way too much to comprehend.  God has his purpose and I guess we will just have to wait to see what it is.

I do have to remember the others things I am thankful for because they do matter as well.  I am thankful for your dad.  Without him here for me, I don’t know where I would be.  He holds me up when I don’t think I can go any farther. He gives me the strength to go on.  I am also thankful for Autumn and Raegan.  They are the other piece of the puzzle that helps me go on every day. Autumn is always there when I need her and keeps me going.  I wish you were here to see Raegan.  You would be so proud of her.  She is an awesome little girl.  She will always know her Uncle Davey; probably will know more about you than she would have, if you were still here. She knows who you are when she sees your pictures and when Autumn asks her where Uncle Davey is, her response is “home”.  She is so right.

Well, Dave.  Here are your decorations this year.  A bit better than last year, I might say.  We are learning…unfortunately.  Who would have thought..

I love you beyond words and can’t wait until we are all a family again.  Love Mom

5 years ago

It is so hard to believe that this was just 5 years ago.

Having Davey here on my wedding day meant so much especially since he had just moved to Colorado. Looking back at this day, I can't imagine not having him there.


Who would have walked Nana down the isle?

 Who would have made sure that there was always a party on the dance floor: (No, not mom, althought it looks like she did a good job at it)

 

Who would have towered over the rest of the guys but still make sure not to get the garter?

Having Davey there on this day just 5 years ago means more now than it ever could back then.  We miss you, Davey!

Halloween 2011

Well Davey,

This year we were able to decorate a bit.  Last year was just way to hard but we managed to find some things that we felt were appropriate.  I hope you like it.

Dad and Raegan trying to decided what they needed to do.

Night view.  We had to stay until it got dark to see the lights.

We love you and miss you!!!

 

Remembering September 24

Dear Davey,

September 24, 2011 we celebrated your live here on Earth. Although you were only here a short 24 years, 1 months and 16 day, you made a huge impact on those lives that you touched. Life is not fair at times and I can say this is one of those times. We never really appreciate what we have until it is gone. As your parents we never really understood the relationships that you had with your friends…because you wanted it that way. But now that you are not here, we totally understand the magnitude of those relationships and are in awe at what a wonder friend and mentor you were to so many people. The lives you touched, the lives you changed and the support you gave to all your friends truly amazes us every day. The more we talk to people the more we know of the Davey that they knew, not just the one that we knew. Some of your family members didn’t really know you as an adult and they are sad that they didn’t. It wasn’t you or them; it was just the way that life was. If we all had only known that your life would have been cut short, I am sure we would have done things a lot differently. We cannot change that now but what we can change is the future. Because of you we all have learned to be more compassionate to others, not judging what people do or say and we look at life in a whole different way. Little things do not matter anymore. We can’t worry about those things that we cannot change. We have to work on changes those things that we can change. We have learned to love each other more because we never know what will happen. People come into our lives and people go but it is the ones that leave the imprints on our hearts that matter the most. You, my son left so many imprints on lives and I don’t believe you realized what an impact you had on people. I wish you were here to see the love that others have for you because of the love that you showed to them. I know you were watching from Heaven and have a beautiful smile on your face, just looking at us all together in your memory but I just wish for one day we could have you back so that you could see what you have done here.

Here are some pictures from the celebration of your life. So many people came out in your memory. It was awesome to see so many friends and family there to help us remember what a wonderful person that you were while you were here. We don’t need anyone to tell us, but is it nice to see that others knew too!!! A lot of family was there of course, but people showed up that never met you before to people that you knew since you were in kindergarten. It was awesome to see so many people there. The day started with family and friends gathering at Rose Hills early in the morning. You can see that Steven and his little boy Gilbert were there. They were the first ones there that morning to remember you. What a special friend. Then later in the evening we all gathered to remember you again. We had dinner and then the children released balloons in your honor and then the adults lite candles. Ashley spoke of that horrible day when she heard the news and how much she misses you. Others didn't speak out loud but I know they were thinking of all the wonderful times they had with you. Please watch over us and let us know you are with us. Until we meet again, my beautiful son....Mom

These are the pictures from the morning at Rose Hills

Memorial table

And then of course Batman was there. The littlest Batman ever came...Mia Hydaryacil...soo precious

Friends and Rae

Balloon release and candle lighting

VIDEO-MISSING DAVEY-1 YEAR

On the day that God took you
I thought that I would die.
I wondered where the time went?
I asked a lot of whys.

With people all around me
I felt alone inside
From all their words of comfort,
I couldn't seem to hide.

I thought I might be dreaming,
That I'd wake and find you here,
I thought "This can't be happening,"
As I wiped another tear.

On the day that you were laid to rest
My heart broke yet again,
I wondered if the pain would end.
But mostly, I wondered when?

It's hard to be without you;
At times the days seem long.
Sometimes I just sit crying
when there's really nothing wrong.

I wish we'd had more time
before your life was done.
I hope you're resting peacefully
my precious beautiful son.

Author Unknown

Remembering Davey

Remembering Davey….
One year today, God took you away. Since that day, not a moment goes by that we don’t think of you. You were taken too soon and left behind so many. We are thankful for each day we had with you only wishing there were more. As we reflect on our memories, we laugh until we cry and we cry until we smile. You were the light of our lives and held the key to our hearts. While our dreams of the future with you vanished that day, you will forever be in our hearts. We promise that your legacy will light our future. Life takes some unexpected turns and this was one for which we could not prepare. We will survive but it will not be easy without you.

When we lose someone we love it seems that time stands still. What moves through us is a silence... a quiet sadness... A longing for one more day... one more word... one more touch... We may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget. We will see you again someday, in a heavenly place where there is no parting. A place where there are no words that mean good-bye.
David Andrew Chavez
8/8/1986 to 9/24/2010
Forever Young

Who I was

One year ago today marks the last day of who I was. That is because one year ago tomorrow, I became who I am now.

I am now a person who knows what is it like to lose a brother. I am now a person who knows what it means to grieve. I now understand the four stages of grief and know that some times you have to take steps back before you move forward.

I now know who the real Davey was; that is who he was around his friends. Of course, I saw the tenderness he had with Raegan but I only know now the true extent of what a great uncle he was. I knew I as his "littler" big sister but now I know how much he longed to protect me.

I now understand the meaning of life is too short. And while it is too short to waste a moment, it is also to short to waste a moment on things not worthy of that moment.

I now know who I can count on to be there at anytime of the day or night. And I now know who I can't.

And while I am happy with who I am now, I long for the days of who I was....just an average sister who had a brother.

Our girl, Shi

I know you know the week I have had. I know you knew even before I knew that our precious girl, Shiloh is sick. As I sit here and watch her sleep so peacefully, I think about her life with us.

How it started....that day after Christmas in 2004 when you came home from working at Ralphs. You were so scared to come into the backyard when you saw a little (75 pound) Rottweiler waiting for you. She had snuck in the side gate and was looking to find a new home; apparently, she like ours. We let her back out the gate that night in hopes that she would return home. She had other ideas; she had found her new home. And so, when Mom and Dad headed to work the next day, we decided to let her back into our backyard. Lord only knows what we planned to do with a Rottweiler considering we already had Samantha and Sydney (the paralyzed wiener dog). But none the less, we wanted to keep her as she wanted to keep us. So, with your help, we convinced Mom and Dad to let us keeper.

I can't say how Shiloh ultimately became my dog because frankly we know how much she loved you. She would always appreciate when you brought a few of your guy friends home for her to hang out with on your bed. And even when she and I moved out, she loved the time she got spend with you when you would dog-sit at our house. She always loved to see her Uncle Dave.


Over these next few months, I hope you will be with us and take care of our girl, Shi. Please help me to make sure she remains comfortable and that I stay strong around here. Please continue to help me find peace in the decisions we have made and let me know that we are not alone.

And when the time comes, please make sure you are there to welcome her. There is no one that I am sure that she would rather see than her Uncle Dave.